Creepy Kids

Have you ever had a kid sneak up on you when you think they’re asleep? It’s the one time they’re super quiet, sneaking stealthily downstairs, parking themselves just outside your peripheral vision so the moment you deviate from what you’re doing, you almost have a heart attack because there stands Chucky. And for a few seconds, you’re legit scared of your kid. There’s a certain zombie-like look they take on as if they've studied every single horror film out there and practiced the creepy kid stare down and sneak-up.

Eleanor pulled this stunt last night and I was almost scared to escort her back to her room. My overactive imagination transformed her from a sweet five year old taking selfies and rocking out to Taylor Swift to hijacking a knife en route to her bedroom and chanting Red Rum.

Or what about when one of them wakes up in the night with a nightmare? And then starts relaying the dream to you? There was this killer clown and he hid in the closet with a collection of dolls and then the dolls and the clown got knives and started marching toward my bed chanting GOTCHA GOTCHA and then there was a light and this guy with a mask jumped in the window and kidnapped all of us and....This is when I start singing My Favorite Things and grabbing a flashlight and pocket knife en route back to bed. And if there is the slightest noise, I jump a thousand feet and scare the shit out of them once again.

Sometimes I manage to bug myself out at night even without the kids helping out. I'll get up to go to the bathroom and revert back to my childhood when I thought someone was hiding under my bed and I'll do a running leap back into bed breathing a sigh of relief that no one grabbed my leg and dragged me to my death while James slept, snoring obliviously.

I shared these sentiments with James once and he thought I was crazy. I think some people just have a tendency to conjure up the most ridiculous scenarios - especially at night. And once I get something in my head, I can't shake it. Today, for example, Kaleb was invited to a friend's house and once I confirmed with the mom that he was available, I didn't hear back. All I could think was that she had been in a car crash or was in the ER with one of her kids or a killer clown had come into their house and held them hostage. By dinnertime, I had convinced myself that she was in some horrible situation and I was the only one she had been in touch with that day and could potentially save her. I knew if I didn't get closure on the situation, that I would wake up at 2am, my mind reeling with scenarios far worse than killer clowns. So I texted her explaining my overactive imagination and was hugely relieved when she responded apologizing profusely and explained that she had been called into work at the last minute and totally spaced on letting me know. Phew! I'll sleep better tonight assuming no kids decide to spook me and turn into those kids from the Shining.