Goals

Have you ever looked down and noticed that your finger is spewing blood everywhere and you have no idea what happened? Or wake up with a gargantuan bruise and only a vague recollection of a run in with the coffee table? And I'm not talking about after a big night of drinking. I mean, like normal, everyday life. I'm so preoccupied with tending to the kids' every need that I don't even notice when I've severed an appendage.

I don't have ADD, but I'm pretty sure I have a very good sense of what victims of the disease must go through. My version of ADD is not a result of chemical imbalance, though. It's purely circumstantial. Being constantly interrupted and pulled in multiple directions forces distraction thereby creating what I like to call "artificial ADD".

It's a discouraging diagnosis, especially for someone who is, under controllable circumstances, extremely organized. But kids, as we know, are not controllable. So I'll wake up in the morning with grandiose goals - today I will call Comcast and solve our WIFI issues once and for all. Today I will cut the kids' toenails. Today I will make a peach cobbler out of all those peaches the kids said they would eat but didn't. And then none of it happens and at the end of the day, I can't figure out why. What on earth did I do all day? And all I can come up with is laundry, dishes, cooking, and answering the call for mo-om fifteen million times.

Up until a few months ago, I was not a stay-at-home mom. I'm quite happy with my new role. Except that the only accomplishment I feel I'm making is keeping the kids alive. Which is great, obviously. But will the WIFI ever get fixed? Are ingrown toenails fixable? Will I ever feel pain as it is happening again?

And the more I get interrupted, the meaner I get. "Moooom!!!" "Whaaat?" I find myself growling through clenched teeth. I can't help it. I just wanted to unload the dishwasher in one fell swoop. Is that too much to ask? Apparently.

Then there are days when I'm ticking things off my checklist like a maniac. But those days are few and far between. In the meantime, I think I have to lower my standards. The Comcast call will have to wait until they return to school. Until then, if I can shower and get dressed every day, I'll take it as a win.