Great Expectations

As you may recall, I’ve expended an embarrassing amount of energy waiting for the arrival of my Vitamix blender. After several disappointing blender experiences I finally decided to splurge and had extremely high hopes for my saucy investment. I had two goals… one was to be able to make a smoothie bowl which is different from a smoothie in that it is more the consistency of sorbet. The other was to get Kaleb to ingest some sort of fruit or vegetable without gagging dramatically and spitting it in the kitchen sink with lots of theatrical aftermath.

I had extremely high expectations and with each passing day I spent awaiting the delivery, my dreams became more and more unrealistic. James told me he had devised an evacuation plan for the family in the event my hopes were thwarted. I think he was a little shocked when my last blender failed to measure up and I spent the day moping around in self-pity. But these days all blend together and the addition of a life changing appliance is at least something to grab onto.

I had been tracking the package for over a week and yesterday was delivery day. But when 9pm rolled around and still no UPS truck, I started to accept that it was not to be. But UPS drivers work hard, and the night was still young. A notification suddenly popped up on my phone indicating a package had been dropped off. Well. I scared the crap out of my family as I tore across the house and hoisted the box inside. They made me reenact the scene for a Facebook live stream (an obvious farce, but you get the idea).

It wasn't until this morning, that I had a chance to put my new toy to the test. Once again, we went live. The first smoothie bowl was impressive, though there's always a bit of a learning curve. Still, I rated it an 8 out of 10. And Kaleb rated the taste of the strawberry mango smoothie bowl an underwhelming 0. But later, we tried another recipe, this time with a better understanding of Vita (I named her. It's pronounced like Rita, but with a V. Super creative right?). I let Abigail take the wheel this time and let me just say WOWSERS (remember Inspector Gadget?) Vita is a beast. We cranked her all the way up to ten and even Abigail, who is usually very even keeled was a little giddy.

The berry frozen yogurt she churned out was epic. Not only was it super smooth with zero grit, but the sides of the blender weren't covered with chunks which inevitably get scooped up when dishing out. It looked just like the smoothie bowls on Tik Tok with the four quadrants and everything.

Everyone scarfed it down. Except Kaleb.

This is a kid who inhaled spicy chickpea wat in Ethiopia and despised the taste of ice cream on his first try. But American sugary treats soon found their way into his palate and he hasn't touched a fruit or vegetable since. Like literally. His taste buds are truly impressive. He prefers the taste of Lactaid milk to regular and can tell the instant we try to switch it. His Annie's mac 'n cheese has to be made in a specific pot which we tote to his grandparents when we visit for dinner. He is partial to Peter Pan creamy peanut butter spread on "soft" white bread sans crust. I've tried slipping a handful of spinach pureed with yogurt to disguise the color into muffins, but he immediately detected it. Banana muffins? No. Apple pancakes? Forget it. He once did some sort of "All About Me" school project and reported that his favorite food was grapes. James and I nearly fell off our chairs laughing.

I still hold hope that his refined palette will one day be used to taste fine wines and earn him the prominent title of Sommelier. But for now, they are wasted on discerning the difference between Kool-Aid and Hawaiian Punch.

So did the Vitamix make the cut? Well, I named her, so she's certainly a keeper. As far as a machine, she's amazing. Well worth the wait and price tag. I'll take a well-performing appliance over a nice piece of jewelry any day of the week. But as far as converting Kaleb to a tree-hugging vegetarian yogi, it was a hard fail. I expected that, to be honest. The conversion would have been a miracle. I'm quite certain, there is only one solution to his fruit and vegetable aversion. A girl.